A New Mindset | Motherhood

Happy 2019! I say that with a large exhale, a sigh of relief. 2018 was great in SO many ways. Full of firsts for Thomas and exciting moments as he grew and changed tremendously. It also had a lot of tears, a lot of growing pains and many weak moments. It wasn’t until Thomas was almost a year old that I knew deep down how I felt wasn’t “right”. I couldn’t put my finger on it most days, though. Was I sad? Not exactly. Frustrated? Kind of. Tired? Definitely! Unmotivated? YES! I felt heavy, the hours got longer and harder. And with each passing day I remember praying and asking God for some relief. (Which usually came in the form of my husband doing more than overtime). I just wanted Thomas to sleep better, be happier, more content… why did it feel like he was always so fussy? These questions and pleas repeated in my head every single day. I remember the day that I decided that I did not want to feel like that anymore. I remember saying to my husband “I know motherhood is hard - but it definitely shouldn’t feel like this. And if it is ‘suppose to’, then I am changing that”.


Sure enough - this was my own personal brand of Postpartum Depression. I say my own because I believe no two mothers have the same story and symptoms. The idea that I may have PPD had crossed my mind many times, but I thought no, not me, how could that be? Because I love Thomas, my husband, our life, etc. I have everything I always prayed for and its not like I was laying in bed all day crying. But I quickly learned how out of whack my hormones were, and how the different aspects of becoming a mother had affected my body and my mind. It was completely out of my hands and my only regret today is that I didn’t acknowledge the symptoms earlier. It’s easy to think “this is normal, you just had a baby for crying out loud”. But it isn’t always normal. And who knows what “normal” is anyways?
When I finally tackled the elephant in the room… the weight was almost immediately lifted. It wasn’t a 24-hour fix by any means but just coming clean with myself and my husband made all the difference. The phase that came after, and still lingers for me almost 6 months later, is the most annoying of all. My dialogue, my hyperawareness of my mental state, and my need to apologize or to explain it. After all, I am writing it here, too. I felt like I had to quickly admit to friends and say things like “I know I’ve been so distracted and a mess, I’m having a hard time”, “Thomas has knocked me on my ass”, “It’s been so hard on me “, etc. I think it is VERY important to acknowledge it and not ignore or hide it when it is time to deal with something hard. But at what point does it take on a life of it’s own?

As 2019 starts, I want a new mindset. I don’t want to linger in that phase any longer! I want to shine more light on the positive moments and days. Our thoughts can really consume us, they are rolling and before you know it, one bad day turns into a bad week, a bad month and a bad year. Yuck! I think (for me), talking about the hard stuff and the bad days, like innocent venting, begins to amplify it. I don’t intend to fake it or lie, but hope to minimize these conversations that quickly turn to complaining. We are all riding similar rollercoasters, some go a little higher, and some a little deeper, some faster and some even break down. But they all kinda look the same at different points, so the easiest thing we can do is say how much fun it is, instead of how scary.

So, there is my new mindset. I am thankful I can be vulnerable and owe that to my amazing support system. I don’t have much advice - except to OWN your own happiness. If something doesn’t feel right (even if you don’t have any “tangible” reasons)… change something. Open up to loved ones or your OB.

xoxo, Tori

New Year, Mom’s Must Haves

I wanted to share a few “favorite” items before the ball drops in 5 days! I LOVE most aspects of New Years. I love the festive celebrations and all the champagne and glitter. I love the traditions, like black-eyed peas, greens and cornbread for good luck. I love planning and dreaming of the year ahead, all that I aspire to do and the fresh start it brings (is it just me, or does anyone else always want a fresh start?).
This year I am happy to be spending a cozy New Years celebration at our favorite beach with our favorite people! I cannot wait. There is no better way to ring it in!
Below I have linked my favorite cozy sweater (can’t take it off), a new crisp and clean planner, my favorite mask for the upcoming dry season, and more! These are just a few of my favorite happy things to kick off the new year feeling our best! xoxo

I personally LOVE this style planner. This one from  MAY DESIGNS  is a great price point and has that “custom” feel.

I personally LOVE this style planner. This one from MAY DESIGNS is a great price point and has that “custom” feel.

I am a huge fan of vitamins! They have completely rebooted my life and help combat daily ailments. I sleep better, feel better and AM better. These from  OLLY  are a must for me!

I am a huge fan of vitamins! They have completely rebooted my life and help combat daily ailments. I sleep better, feel better and AM better. These from OLLY are a must for me!

The other MUST have mask from Summer Friday’s! This is great for exfoliating and dry patches.  OVERTIME MASK!

The other MUST have mask from Summer Friday’s! This is great for exfoliating and dry patches. OVERTIME MASK!

I have not read this yet, but it is on my list!  An “almost” memoir by Ann Patchett  with relatable aspects for anyone!

I have not read this yet, but it is on my list! An “almost” memoir by Ann Patchett with relatable aspects for anyone!

My favorite sweater right now. Goes with everything and is so soft! From  MADEWELL

My favorite sweater right now. Goes with everything and is so soft! From MADEWELL

Love these High Rise jeans for everyday wear. From  Mott and Bow

Love these High Rise jeans for everyday wear. From Mott and Bow

This is a great long lasting  perfume by Glossier !

This is a great long lasting perfume by Glossier!

A nourishing lip tint is always crucial, especially during the cold months! This is a favorite of mine by  Bobbi Brown

A nourishing lip tint is always crucial, especially during the cold months! This is a favorite of mine by Bobbi Brown

This is a MUST have for the dry winter months. I use this as a moisturizer and it is simply the best. From  Sephora by Summer Fridays

This is a MUST have for the dry winter months. I use this as a moisturizer and it is simply the best. From Sephora by Summer Fridays

I’ve read this once, and plan to reread this January! A  great read  for self-discovery and reflection.

I’ve read this once, and plan to reread this January! A great read for self-discovery and reflection.

I plan to upgrade my diaper bag this year for a fresh update! Love this one by  Freshly Picked .

I plan to upgrade my diaper bag this year for a fresh update! Love this one by Freshly Picked.

Another great Winter sweater. This is cashmere AND on sale now! I love the length for chasing my boy around! By  Halogen at Nordstrom

Another great Winter sweater. This is cashmere AND on sale now! I love the length for chasing my boy around! By Halogen at Nordstrom

I look forward to starting this year with a clearer mind and healthier life! 2018 was a journey, with lots of ups and downs and “one step forward, two steps back” kinda days. I have learned so much during this year about myself as a mother and even a sister, daughter and wife. It has been filled with countless moments of joy, fun and unexplainable crazy toddler antics, too.
Cheers to 2019! I just know the best is yet to be for all of us!

xoxo, Tori